Why does gossip exist

Although I am now fully recovered I was on one of those innocent people that has had their life permanently damage through these sort of people that I became suicidal. The police and Mental Health both failed to listen to me and believe what I was telling them, my family was no better and hence the person who contacted people behind my back and lied to them and deceived them got away with it and so it is the same for the gossipers to this day the same is still happening.

The irony of it all is no body this person has spoken to behind my back has the guts or decency to tell me what this person has said to them about me that has them and others avoiding me like the plague. So you tell me please how I am suppose to put a stop to this person contacting others known to me behind my back who in turn go away gossip about what they have heard from this person that in turn ruins my reputation every time?

I have once moved but the person found me again through some who they gossiped with who I used to socialized with through the church and so moving was useless. What is the point of me moving again? It will change nothing, I will only be found again. If some body really wants to go great lengths to find you chances are great that they will find you even the police have told me this. Thank you for your time and many blessings to you Alison. This person will not stop until they are stopped legally which at the moment as I stated above has no way of happening yet.

Take care, and I wish you the best. Behaved in an unwise manner; stupidly by siding with and interfering and meddling in negative gossip, idle talk or rumor, about the personal or private affairs of another. This on the whole is below or contrary to the standards expected in his particular profession by the church synod etc. The minister did in fact due to believing by siding with and interfering and meddling in negative gossip, idle talk or rumor, about the personal or private affairs of this persons past slept with as in indulge in sexual relationships with those from the persons past who started the negative gossip, idle talk or rumor, about the personal or private affairs of this persons out of pure cold jealousy.

Professionally speaking it was not the ministers job to share a bed with those spreading the negative gossip, idle talk or rumor, about the personal or private affairs of this persons past it was the ministers job not to side or believe what the minister was told it was the ministers job to help those who came to the minister with the negative gossip, idle talk or rumor, about the personal or private affairs of this persons past to help them move on with life; not take sides or share a bed with them like the minister stupidly did the minister should not have behaved below or contrary to the standards expected in his particular profession by the church synod etc in an unwise manner; stupidly, unprofessionally like the minister did even if the minister did or did not know all the facts.

The Christians involved in this should not have interfered and meddled in negative gossip, idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of this person, deliberate gossiping and interfering and meddling is worse than spontaneous adultery! Gossiping and interfering and meddling is one of the number one reasons why people stop going to church.

Gossip and interfering and meddling causes suicide. Gossip and interfering and meddling causes divorce. Gossip and interfering and meddling drives people out of church. The facts are nearly always distorted and false as they pass from one ear to another. What began as a hold of the hand usually ends up turning into adultery by the time it reaches enough ears. The only safe thing to do is to be quite, or steer the conversation in a positive direction.

I hate gossip and so does God, because it hurts others. Gossip is a sin just as interfering and meddling is any Christian and minister should know this full well! James says that God is the only Judge, and warns not to judge condemn others.

Jesus taught in The Golden Rule in Matthew to treat others the way you want to be treated. These people should not judge others or Nous because they sin differently than they do. To the same extent as the damage these people including the minister caused by their gossiping words and interfering and meddling, to that same degree God will judge them by their own words Matthew they should know this and if you did not you now do. It works. Ephesians teaches that it grieves God when we speak evil of each other.

The first thing that the wicked do when they think a person sins is start a smear-campaign to permanently destroy that person with out even knowing the facts this is what happened to Nous. The answer is not for Nous to speak to a mental health professional where you are living like you erroneously told Nous; This will not remedy the situation what so ever; has not in the past so what makes you think it would work now? This has since been proven. Like bullets fired from a gun, words cannot be taken back.

This clearly has nothing to do with speaking to a mental health professional where you are living like you erroneously told Nous; This has every thing do with a religion full of corrupt people and you expecting Nous to speak to a mental health professional where Nous is living like you erroneously told Nous to change this? In reality what can they do? Speak to the minister; who will they believe? The minister; subsequently the minister is treated like Gods gift and the light shines out of the minister; subsequently the minister is treated like his every word is the absolute truth because the minister is a minister and because the minister is a minister people automatically assume the minister would not utter a lie subsequently Nous will be treated like a nut job go unbelieved.

Hello, I know many people who have been helped by mental health professionals when they are struggling. Best to you, Alison. My sisters are the gossipers not me. They always had something to say and feel bad.

Both my sisters and one of my girl cousins were talking bad about me. I want to stay blissful. He graviates more over to my half sisters. When they also caused him great pain, more than me. Maybe she is miserble in her life and feels the need to talk shit about me. Ugh it is so frustrating. Yes, they are jealous. In your case, he may feel more needed by your sisters who complain and have more problems. Unfortunately, your father will continue to have power over you as long as you long for his approval.

Yes, it is unfair that he listens to negative gossip about you, while you are going to school and working. I recommend that you continue to avoid gossip and avoid thinking about your sisters and the whole negative atmosphere of your family. Try to remain courteous, but put more time and effort into people whom you look up to. Find other role models and friends. I know that may sound harsh.

But you actually are more likely to be appreciated when you are not hoping for it. You will have to emotionally separate a bit more from them that is, not care what they think, while continuing on the right path and acting with respect. I wonder though if you are giving her too much power by your active response, for instance, speeding away when she drives near you. She can sense that she has some power to cause you to be so reactive.

Perhaps your reactions could be toned down and you could see if she loses interest in provoking you. What if you waved at her or nodded to her in an impersonal but not angry way when she came into view. How come? It almost seems as though you like me. Just be very neutral. It is possible that she has some strong projections about you.

People who insult others and gossip negatively often only know how to get attention by provoking others. You take away her power by being less provoked. I really think that if you become truly less reactive, she will get less pleasure out of your reactions. I needed some ideas to help me avoid gossip and I found this. I have spent some time reading your responses to comments here. I feel you offer sound advice and are very positive. I love it. I look forward to checking out other articles along with your youtube videos.

Thank you! I really appreciate that you took the time to write me and tell me that! Have a great week! Sorry, but it absolutely is my business to know. And if their thoughts about me lead to my being passed over at work, or not trusted to do something that I am more than capable of doing, then they are discriminating against me,and I deserve to know why.

If its not your business to know what other people think about you, why does this page exist. Just ask them a personal question then take the piss.

I have dealt with gossip for most of my adult life. My ex husband was an abusive alcoholic who destroyed our family. He affected my children and myself in unspeakable ways mentally and emotionally which I deal with to this day.

My life with him was a nightmare and getting him out of my life took everything I had. He was a narcissist who felt he owned me, and with little support, getting away from him was very hard. Two years after we parted he died a tragic death in a fire while intoxicated. His family blamed me for all the wrongs in our lives and spread vicious rumors about me. His grandmother who raised him along with 5 sisters are who I mean by family.

I left the town I lived in, went to college and then later left the state. I have since found a wonderful man who I am happy with, who treats me very well. They are still talking about me to one of my daughters. They are claiming that I was at fault for everything wrong. I even caused his drinking. They are telling her he was a perfect father while I was this horrible mother. That he worked, cooked and cleaned while I did nothing.

He never cooked or cleaned but he did work. But, all his money went to his drinking and drugs; he spent it on his friends and himself while we lived in poverty. This was twenty five years ago! My thing is how do I stop this from affecting me?

Why do they continue to do this all these years later? Should I confront them? This truly hurts and makes me angry and I just want to get them out of my life completely! That can be very tough to do when your self-esteem has been assailed by emotional and mental abuse, and it is something to be proud of. I would not give them the power over you by engaging them and showing them that they can hurt you.

When you engage someone and defend yourself and correct them, what they sense is that they have the power to hurt you, and that may be the only power they have in their lives.

So they will relish it, and continue to put energy into hurting you. Your defensiveness will only encourage their attacks. I would try to avoid them, and I would focus on improving your life, your relationships, and your pursuits.

Hopefully you will realize soon that it is the poverty of their imaginations and their lack of capabilities that lead them to malign you. Regarding your daughter, she will see more clearly the truth over time. You can admit to her that you are not flawless no one is and that your biggest weakness was allowing yourself to be controlled and bullied and staying with someone who treated you badly. You wished you had not stayed with your dad while he was abusive. You can clarify any facts you want to your daughter, but do so with dignity.

Be a role model of self-respect and strength to her, not of weakness and victimhood. Focus on the positive things you want to continue to accomplish in your life! It is beyond low self-esteem. Trying to kill someone continually with your mouth is actually trying to kill them! Gossip is bad stuff. Most of them are decent people but a few of them are real bitches who like to cause me problems.

Then she suggests a one night stand. So then she says I must be gay. I tell her I am not. Then she apologizes and asks me not to tell anyone of the conversation. Which I gladly agree to. A month later another coworker throws a party at his place and invites everyone. At this party I get totally snockered and pass out on his bed, with his permission. Then another male coworker passes out drunk next to me. Both of us dressed…nope, nothing happened.

Monday morning just today the first thing out of this bitches mouth is that other guy and I had sex. I really wanted to kick her teeth in. Of course she spread it all over like some funny tale.

To vent about evil bitches! I think your situation is more of a office business environment question rather than a psychology question. So I talked about your situation to two friends, one man and one woman, who have been in management in the corporate world for many years. His boss should take action from there. Never want to blindside your boss.

His boss should be the one to connect with HR on his behalf. Without making a formal complaint, further harassment cannot be dealt with.

I am a female and my advice would be to go to HR. I am also tired of bad behavior not being addressed. I wish you had done this when she came to you in the first place asking you for a one night stand.

Make sure you bring that information to HR also. This should not be tolerated you are all there to work. I have been the object of vicious gossip too many times in my life and people who do the manipulating of your reputation are the ones who have to be looked at.

Gossip is a form of murder. I have just a little time right now, and if I think of a better answer when I get home next week, I will write again.

I would consider making a complaint, though as a man you do have to be careful unfortunately. Very unprofessional and crass. I would just make sure you feel very calm and self-possessed when you make your complaint. I sure would avoid getting drunk anywhere near her in the future. Whether you make a formal complaint or not, I would make sure you remain very professional, friendly and courteous with everyone.

Let me know what happens. You have to figure out how not to let her get to you.. I am I victim of gossip in a christian group in which one of my relatives brought me into. I been attending for two months now and it feel so hostile. Ive had a dark past which led me into seeking god and he knows im trying so hard to change. Our group meets 4 days a week at one of the members home.

Most of them are family members and some are friends of theirs. Almost everyday I go they have something to say between each other about me from my past, looks, how I dress, sing, ect during church. The kids drop my bible on the ground and I have my eyes losed praying. They often blurt out names as I walk out the door. I know I am not perfect.

Would I be wrong to leave the group and start praying by myself? I quit church before I finished high school simply because most of the members of the church were hypocrites. You would not be wrong to leave the group.

In fact, I think you would be doing yourself a disservice to stay in a group that treats you so poorly. What they are doing is mean and very disrespectful. It would be better to pray by yourself.

I also think you can go to different church groups or churches and test them out and see where you feel most nourished. But that can be learned over time when you choose to be with people who are respectful. Counseling can also really help to develop self-respect and gain tools to deal with disrespect.

Most important for now is to avoid hostile people, even though they may be relatives. There are a few ways to look at this. It is your life to make the positive impact. These people are christians, and they keep allowing you into their home to join their group.

That says alot! God Bless! One of the best ways I learned to avoid this is not to get close with people at work. In addition I decline holiday parties etc it is best to be the person who no one knows anything about this often keeps peace.

There are 10 kids in my family, and my parents attended to Indian Residential Schools, but they both died, long before they had the opportunity to talk about their own childhood abuse. So to top it off, my parents had no parenting skills. You see, at age 38, in May 21st, , I underwent major brain surgery.

It took the neurosurgeon and other staff members nearly 7 hours to remove it. It turned out to be the size of a baseball, and flat like a pancake. We found out a year later that it has been putting pressure on my brain since my early child hood years. I felt healthy for awhile and was able to see clearly for once in my life. But then it came back again, on the same spot 4 years later in This time it grew quite rapidly and aggressively.

I will possibly need to go for therapy for the rest of my life, according to a couple of psychologists who spoke to me about my case. Mind you, my own 3 children have not always been innocent little angels. I used to badmouth others in front of their faces, or behind their backs.

But then I suddenly felt great shame, because of the way my actions made me feel afterward. So I tried to change my personality as much as I possibly could.

So got into counseling for so many years. My two older sisters have always been gossiping about other people their whole lives. I figured they were gossip about me behind my back. So I used to wonder why I was always being labeled as black sheep of the family, and now I know how it all got started. I once told my older son who is now 32, not to say rude things about his younger sister who But you know what else?

Because you have a double PhD. Its very fortunate of finding this website on the Internet. Now I know that people who do gossip- should be minding their own affairs, and should be keeping their personal opinions to themselves. Most people have personal issues, and they need to learn how to deal with. But only if they want to.

So I prefer to be left alone whenever I can, these days. Thank you for posting this comment and your self-reflection. You certainly have been through a lot in your 50 years here. And it appears that you have worked quite a bit on becoming a better person and becoming more understanding of the imperfections of human beings that cause so much pain. Good for you for avoiding gossip and focusing on becoming a writer, artist, and singer.

English is my 3language so please escuse my French lol. It went on for years. Never told my parents because I was going to be blamed. My younger sister was molested and my parents never stopped abusing her emotionally and reminding her what happened.

Also calling her names:stupid, naive, retarded. My dad been struggling with undiagnosed depression. Unfortunately we are all around him. We wants his approval and he never gives it. Was always the good one, the smart one and pretty too. Even though deep down I blamed myself for what happened. Got married when I was in university. Was 21years old. After my first child, my husband lost his job, from nowhere I lost it. Was worried about everything.

Had affairs not because I wanted it but because I needed the attention. Went through so much. My child hood abuses came back. Remembered all the abuses we went through both physical and emotional from our parents.

Was a mess for 6years. Oh by the way I started drinking for the first time too. My husband did not know what to do with me. He got disconnected. Our marriage became a hell. Throughout my life I found myself gossiping about other people. I hate pretty women coz I feel filthy and ugly now. So anytime I hang out with other people I start gossiping to get their attention and to be liked or show off. At the end I go home sad because I revealed my true colour. I really wanna get self respect, I wanna forgive myself, I wanna deal with my guiltiness.

My husband hates when I start gossiping and I noticed that he tend to give attention or respect those I trush. I guess he sees them as special women since they thretened me. I guess I make him pay attention to beatiful and strong woman. And I enjoy when others gossip about them. And I feed the gossip. I have excuses about everything. I feel like everybody gossip about me therefor I should gossip back. My dad always said that everybody is gossiping about our bad behaviour.

He always talked about others succes except his own family. I have lots of issues no wonder why I feel judged by everyone including my husband, my siblings and few friends I have.

Wow that first paragraph was loaded with painful experiences. Is that news going to stop something bad from happening? Tell it like it is. Leave the exaggeration at the door, Willer says. Want more tips like these? Sign up for our newsletter and follow us on Facebook , Twitter and Instagram.

IE 11 is not supported. For an optimal experience visit our site on another browser. Share this —. Follow better. In fact, gossip can actually be thought of not as a character flaw, but as a highly evolved social skill. Like it or not, we are the descendants of busybodies.

Evolutionary psychologists believe that our preoccupation with the lives of others is a byproduct of a prehistoric brain. According to scientists , because our prehistoric ancestors lived in relatively small groups, they knew one another intimately. In order to ward off enemies and survive in their harsh natural environment, our ancestors needed to cooperate with in-group members. But they also recognized that these same in-group members were their main competitors for mates and limited resources.

Who would make the best mate? How can friendships, alliances and family obligations be balanced? In this sort of environment, an intense interest in the private dealings of other people would have certainly been handy — and strongly favored by natural selection.

People who were the best at harnessing their social intelligence to interpret, predict — and influence — the behavior of others became more successful than those who were not. Therefore, someone skillful at gossip will have a good rapport with a large network of people. Torres, who is now based at the University of California San Francisco, added that gossip gives us the opportunity to vent about people while allowing us to still maintain positive social ties with them overall.

Even when the elders' gossip seemed to be negative or rude, it usually came from a place of thoughtfulness. For example, they'd call each other names but then tack on a comment about reaching out to them: 'Has anyone heard from old so-and-so? Why do we care about celebrities?

Humans are hardwired to care about the lives of people who are friends, foes or family. Researchers call those people "socially important. In those days, if you knew a lot about someone, by definition they were socially important to you," McAndrew said.

This is especially true today thanks to the internet and social media, which means we know a lot about people we don't actually know. Being privy to that information tricks our brains into thinking celebrities are socially important to our lives. One of McAndrew's studies showed that we even gravitate toward celebrity tabloid stories about people of the same gender and age group. Celebrity gossip also gives us common ground with others.